how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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