If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
