I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
