don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
