he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize