I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
