If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
