his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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