was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize