i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
