I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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