Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
