He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So much Jack, so little girl.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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