she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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