I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
