every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
