The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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