Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
accomplished twins. life is a go
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
