It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize