When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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