after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
