Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I am naked and annoyed.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
