i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
