you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
