people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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