..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize