new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she smelled like a LAN party
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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