Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This is my gift to your gina
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
