it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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