we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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