I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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