and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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