Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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