yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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