I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
