Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
