I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize