I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
