You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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