dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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