why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
