She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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