So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
