Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
