Sry I called you an 8
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she peed on how many people?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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