John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
