He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
