feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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