oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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