Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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