just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
