I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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