That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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