does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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