The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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