another moral hangover. fuck.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
