yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
