Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
