At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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