My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
