my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
