we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
