my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
