he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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