Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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