I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
