Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
drinking out of a sandbucket again
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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