He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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