Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
