i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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