see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
