my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
