now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We need to get me chipped asap
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
