I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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