babies were throwing up all over the place
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
