I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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