Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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