Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
