You're my little dorito
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize