did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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