your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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