i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
