Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
