i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize