the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
