Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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