i don't like sucking hair
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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