this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
