I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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