he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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