So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
COCAINE IS GR8
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
