apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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