i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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