I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
