After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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