May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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