Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
