I'm sorry my penis didn't work
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
