I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
