i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
