I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
