I'm so fucking centered right now
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
