There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
