I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
