And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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