I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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