he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
