So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
