well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
