awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
