over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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