y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
